You know, when I wished for some excitement in my life, I really didn't anticipate the veritable soap opera my existence tumbled into in the past month. I'm half expecting foggy screens, slow piano music and eye patches will infiltrate my day to day business until I forget what my kind of normal is. I think I'm already starting to forget, in the good way.

Because even though my life hasn't completely descended into melodrama (not quite yet, anyway), it still feels like I'm living out either a Harlequin romance/romance novel/Hollywood movie. Extremeties of emotions on both ends -- anguish and euphoric happiness. Bitterness and an affirmation in the beauty of life. Sweet and spicy (now I sound like a cut of chicken). I think it's best to compare my life to a block of chilli chocolate right now -- sweet, with tangs of bitterness and the occasional spice. But 99.99% enjoyable. An acquired taste at first, but addiction a few mouthfuls later. Mmmm, yes, my life is chilli chocolate.

I'm happy. This is generally a hard sentence for me to type because I'm one of those people who's never satisfied with what they have. Not because I'm greedy, but because I live by the mantra that things can always be better. It's a motto of self-improvement, not selfish gain. Almost like a watered down version of "Be the best you can be" because ... well because I don't like cliched turns of phrases (and yet I use them every day. Hypocrite. Anyway.) I'm happy. And I don't know if I've been this happy before. Perhaps when I finished the HSC and was hit by all this free time and independence and no worries; I attained peace of mind. And probably when I was a kid, unaware of how happy I was and unaware of how much I would come to appreciate being a kid later. But this ... I'm not quite sure how to describe it. It's happiness, plain and simple, and yet it almost feels like I've worked for it. I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say; maybe I'll just settle for ... it's a different kind of happiness. And I like it.

I still don't believe I deserve any of this. I was sitting there on my bed today, thinking about life, and again started to appreciate how ridiculously lucky I am. Others may not think so, that I'll always deserve respect no matter what I do, but that's exactly why I AM ridiculously lucky. I really didn't think men like that existed. Seriously, men like that are akin to heroes in novels, portraits of the perfect man, figments of the imagination. But there's one right here. Moreso than that, he's freaking REAL. And even moreso than that, he thinks I'm the heroine, the portrait of the perfect woman (his words, not mine), a figment of his imagination.

And the other night I realised once again how lucky I am. Selfishly enough, it was through someone else's pain, because it's obvious that I'm not the only person who thinks like that about him. I guess I didn't expect the intensity of their reaction. But it just struck me, how much I appreciate this. How much fun I'm having, how much happiness I'm feeling, how much calmness is starting to seep through my life. How, sometimes, things are as good as everyone says they'll be.

And how sometimes, they're even better.